Refining fire? Trial? No thanks, Lord, I’m perfectly comfortable where I am!
At times, I have laid in bed at night and wondered what I would do if I became sick again, what I would do differently, how I would have made the healing process go quicker, easier and not have to struggle so much. How would I handle a Do Over?
That time has come.
Today, my job is to praise God in this storm. I move forward, trying to be transparent and humble. So often, bloggers present a perfect front and what we really need is people who pull off the plastic persona and are real, raw and honest. This hurts. It doesn’t feel fair. But it is here.
A series of events has unfolded going back to the car wreck I was in in January that has pushed me back into old territory. Back into ground I had already covered. Backtracking is a painful, terrible, messy thing. It’s scary. It’s hurts to lose the freedom you’ve found and the normalicy you’ve gained after being so sick. So much of my life has changed since I became ill with celiac in 2006. As part of that process I’ve found strength I didn’t know I had, I’ve found a life I never imagined for myself. But like most trials, it’s two steps forward, one step back in a very long process. This time, it’s several steps back.
I’ve also developed new problems I never expected or anticipated. I am experiencing anaphylactic reactions to latex, a new problem, along with OAS to latex-related foods. Latex is EVERYWHERE. Your clothing, furniture and your computers most assuredly have latex in them. Even your food, as many places still wear latex gloves on food processing lines. Even unprocessed fruits and vegetables that get picked, packaged and shipped can be handled with latex gloves, provoking a reaction.
So this week, I go on the paleo auto immune protocol and go back onto my gut healing protocol- digestive enzymes, probiotics, Betaine Hcl and digestive clay. The same supplement protocol I used in 2006. Long term, I see myself on a version of the paleo diet as a life long maintenance issue.
I’m also taking steps to reduce my stress, allow my body to heal quickly, and be able to function in the meantime. We resume homeschooling in the Fall, we are in the middle of changing churches, a major house remodel, and more. We are eyeball deep in a season of change, and change is messy, difficult, consuming and necessary. Very, very necessary.
This is honestly the least stress I’ve had on myself in many years, but I still find myself working to reduce my schedule and taking time to care for myself. Daily prayer, praise, exercise and planning/cooking for the AIP diet are the cornerstones of that stress reduction. A positive attitude is necessary in all healing.
The Lord knew this was coming; it was no surprise to Him. And the Lord crafted just what we needed for this time. We have a home business in It Works that supports us and allows us to own our time with great flexibility, and medical practitioners whom we trust to help us through this. I am also making a conscious effort to look outside of myself. Focus on helping others during this struggle, to keep my eyes off of myself. I don’t know why I’ve been chosen to face this trial again, but I know my Lord knows why. My job is to trust His plan, and light the way for others who come behind.
What the Lord has planned for us is always better than what we had planned for ourselves.
Today, I will praise God in the storm.