Today we celebrate Mother’s Day with four generations together. I was lucky to have my great-grandmother until I was in my mid-20s. She was a strong influence in my life and I named my daughter after her. Today, I’m so happy that my daughter has the opportunity to know her great-grandmother since many children today don’t get to even know their grandparents.
Mother’s Day is also bittersweet to me because our first son, David, was due on Mother’s Day. He would have been ten this year. I well remember the pain of having to sit through Mother’s Day services while dealing with infertility. People always felt the need to ask when I’d become a mother, not knowing that we had been told by doctors I’d never have kids.
Real Food proved those doctors wrong. We finally experienced the hope and joy of being pregnant, then the devastation of loosing a child. Facing his due date was so difficult. By the time Mother’s Day rolled around, I was carrying my daughter. In some ways being pregnant again helped, but it didn’t stop the pain of loosing a child and trying to get through the due date.
I just wanted to hide, try to cope and get through it. My husband took me to Disney World so I could loose myself in a crowd and have some distraction to get through it. I know, Disney, right? It seemed counter-intuitive to go to a family-oriented theme park with a ton of babies and little kids everywhere, but it really did help to just be a face in a crowd.
Loosing a baby or a loved one around a holiday is so hard. Both of my sister-in-laws were due around the same time and one gave birth while we were at Disney. I still remember that moment when Jeff’s cell phone rang and we heard the news. We were at Epcot. Even today I think of David when I see them, knowing he’d be at the same age and stage.
So to the mothers who read my blog, I salute you. To those struggling with infertility and heart ache or pregnancy loss, while you struggle to keep back tears and keep a public smile on your face despite the pain, on this Mother’s Day you have my prayers and my love.